i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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