You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
