If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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