What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
