Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
