since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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