still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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