Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
