So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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