I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
