How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
