sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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