Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Randomize
