About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
