so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
