I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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