My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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