so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
