Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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