Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
