Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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