wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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