I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't