She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.