he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10