When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
me + whiskey = a bad person
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.