Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I can't turn off my feet"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.