I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize