she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.