Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!