Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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