Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
