She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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