Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
