Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
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You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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