I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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