I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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