We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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