I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize