I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
