Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
