What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
