I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
