What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize