I heard we made out
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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