just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
