may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
