I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
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Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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