theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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