you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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