dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I puked a lego.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
