Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
