I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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