Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
