So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Every concussion has its silver lining
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
