my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
COCAINE IS GR8
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