Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
