At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
