Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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