batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
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