I got chris browned last night
i think my mom watched the whole time
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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