i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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