Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
