the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
