He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
