I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
