There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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