"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Shame - the story of my life.
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