We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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